which of us to be!

 There was a young man so full of life and joy, that he was unable to see fault in anything that isn't him or at least part. the boy grew to be a man yet the sleepless night turned over to anger and resentment. it is as if the world locked itself up in my head making it a challenge to ever be. there is that boy man now yet how broken must he be that to ever see him smile again and to do it so genuinely must be a pain to his heart. it seems to be effortless how other people live their lives, that even with worry on their minds they see no trouble in hoping for the good to come. Maybe that is where the boy man stopped living, maybe at his lowest, he found no action to be dear unto his heart so he righteously hates anything that life bestowed on him. it is that man who grew out of his happiness to be and live and even to suffer. I am him and he is me and maybe together looking back on how it was would find solace in thinking of tomorrow, unlike the most we cling to the idea of tomorrow, but as we go on living it we find it to be quite the chance to let out yesterday's misery and pain. I am him and he is me that we both look deep within to find the helpless child that was there before looking back at us and so it would be that we never get the chance to be with him again, that we would never rejoice or laugh back at such memories of inner turmoil. there is him and there is me that each of us fails to connect with the other leaving us both to quarrel in the darkness of our thoughts. amidst the ruins, we come to find new ways of living, new ways of reacting to past mistakes, past troubles, and even past glories in a way that connects us both to the heart of our soul, unto the ruins of the past.so there ishim and there is I that chose to be what my past self deemed unworthy of love. I am what ignites my hope that tomorrow might exist and that I might get the chance to reconcile with the old me, in hopes of tomorrow to come I lay awake at night thinking of what was and what to be. there is no escape from the broken heart and only more struggles to face more faces to shape and so more hearts to grow. that is me and him to you.