Blip!

 Recall

...passing through memories one can but gaze at the infinity of time at that specific instant, I felt perpetual and infinite. be it sadness, joy, or astonishment, it felt eternal and universal at such a time when I was immature and unbothered with life's challenges. I was feeling one with the world, such a connection couldn't have been a mistake or a glitch, as it felt surreal and immaculate. there wasn't much time to be perfect, we were average and that was everything we had wished for yet life challenged me into bitterness, or at least so it felt. Keeping something locked for no one to ever gaze upon was my choice, and memories at the time didn't need to be caught or rendered immortal.I only felt the urge to capture them afterwards, which might have been my mistake, yet there were never out of my thought

Time is of the essence yet we show no care to its passing, as we feel no hurry, no urge to cultivate our senses and our enjoyment of the present, at the moment, for it can change and it did. i have nio memory of distant feelings of happiness, and the latter become intolerable to my utterness, as feelings of uncanny repulsiveness reside down in my stomach, where every feeling of worry, anxiety, and worthlessness lay waiting for the giving moment to attack and dismantle what I hold dear to me: my peace of mind.

I remember how good average felt like, it never left my mind and for that I am grateful, and who am I to challenge deep memories of contentment just out of my sheer stubbornness to comply with what my mind sees fit for me, or how it like to perceive it: safe. I couldn't be more unsafe than I am now, unsafe from my own thoughts that tend to victimize my situation and fight off anything that seems to help me rise from this bottomless pit, where every feeling of self-worth just evaporates into inexistence.no matter how hard we try to hide it or ignore it we all want to feel some sense of contentment within, a sense of self-improvement that would open us to new choices, a new beginning, one that promises us a better future or at least equip us with some form of necessary tools to make it tolerable, and easy to look back to.